(En) Lighten Up

There is a reason that one of my favorite quotes is "Life's too serious to be taken seriously."  Because it is.  Unfortunately, and despite the fact that I have it front and center on my Facebook profile page, I had forgotten this for a while.  The good news is that I recently remembered this little fact and oh the joys of living once this resonates within.

For those of us who have experienced a significant loss in our lives or dealt with extended periods of grief and suffering, the heavy heart or burden of seriousness has been a constant companion--or not.  Despite the number and magnitude of "growth" opportunities that have come my way, I made it through those difficult years pretty well and somehow never really did lose my sense of humor or perspective on life.  In fact, it was during those most difficult times that I somehow drew strength from it and adopted the above quote as well as "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade (or margaritas)" as my daily mantras.  So imagine my surprise when I realized that I have made it through death, cancer, suicide and depression, (and the list goes on) without losing perspective but that my meditation practice had been sucking the life out of me!  I thought this insight practice was supposed to be helpful, fulfilling. WTF?  Ok, before some of you (and you know who you are) have the opportunity to say "See Pam, I told you all that zany health stuff you are involved with is actually really bad for you," let me explain.

Buddha in the  Kripalu Labyrinth

Meditating is one of the best practices that I have ever encountered.  Period.  End of story.  In fact, it was through meditating that I came to the above realization--hmm, how does that work? To sit, be still, and listen to what arises leads to enlightenment or bodhi.   That is my path. Many people think I came to this path in my life much later than I actually did, but that is really not the case.  I was a curious kid and ready to delve into issues of compassion, equity and spirituality in my early twenties.  Looking back, however,  I think what occurred was a squelching of this desire because of the "serious" nature of the conversations or topics I chose to bring to the table.  I can still hear my father (love ya man) regularly saying to me "lighten up Pa'mela, lighten up."  Or, when the conversations became too heated, two important women in my life would chime in "don't rock the boat Pam, it's not worth it."  Now, I'm not saying that what occurred was either right or wrong, good or bad, it just was.  What am I saying, however, is that I just made the connection that my contemplative side was seen as too serious and became uncomfortable for people at times. So, I tended to check it at the door, until I couldn't anymore and then the cycle would continue...share, too serious, "lighten up Pam."  I think what happened for me was that I began to see those sides of me as a separate self.  My funny, light hearted humorous side and my other side..the dark side (ha).  I began to read more, study more and consider more.  It didn't matter the topic; taosim or educational equity, I just wanted to explore.  And these topics were thoughty with "serious" considerations for me in my life and others in the world!  That's how this whole dang thing got started....this, this growing, these moments of seriousness, this desire to know more and hopefully give more.

To be fair, I think I did become a bit more serious during this time.  But for those of you who knew me in my early days, you know this wasn't such a bad thing!  The key for me was balance and I think I found it for a while. Despite the serious nature of things happening all around me, I was able to keep my sense of humor and keep moving forward. It felt good.  So when I finally really committed to my meditation practice approximately one year ago, I don't know that I was quite ready for the results.  It took me into that place I longed for in my twenties, I began to "clearly see and calmly abide." Big life changes happened.  Good stuff but serious stuff.  Damn, there it was again.  But meditation was my drug and I wanted more, needed more, practiced more.  And I got more.  The waves I began to surf were truly filled with highs and lows, joys and sorrows, a light heart contrasted with a heavy heart.  This pattern continued, it was exhausting me, bumming me out, I didn't want to be SO serious.  And then one day about two weeks ago, after sitting (in meditation), it dawned on me. So simple yet so complex.  I go "in" so that I can go "out."  Taking what I am learning about myself and then BEING that self.   Sharing that self with others.  Not worrying about it being too serious and not taking myself too seriously.  Because in fact, life IS too serious to be taken seriously.  And it is too short not to enjoy.  And I do, as we all do, need reminders that even though life is filled with pain and suffering, The First Noble Truth, we do need to lighten up and remember that it is here to be embraced and to be lived above all.  And one way to counter that suffering and pain, to (en)lighten up....is through meditation.  Give it a try.  And thanks Dad.  I think I will lighten up.